Sunrise, sunset

I have realized that I have entered (just barely) into a new phase of life.....grown up phase. (Imagine with me the Fiddler on the Roof tune "Sunrise, sunset" playing the background.....trust me, it will make the rest of the blog more profound!) How often did we pretend that we were all grown up, eagerly waiting for the day that we would be in charge of ourselves; doing what we wanted and knowing exactly what to do in any given situation - just like the grown ups in our lives. They seemed to know how to do anything - like it came naturally! I would stand back and wonder, in awe of their problem solving capabilities. I could never figure out where that know-how came from.....I supposed it just came when you were "grown up". Well, now that I'm here......where's all that know-how?
It seems so strange....everyone in my life is growing up! Friends (even childhood friends) are getting married; cousins getting married and having babies; even my baby brother is promised to be married.....and I, like a pebble sitting on the side of a stream, stare in wonder at all these things that are happening around me, wondering why they're all grown up and I'm still six years old. I must have missed the flight or something!
I feel like I'm just playing grown up. "I'm not old enough to be living on my own in a different state," I think to myself, even though all my contemporaries and even people younger than me are moving out and making their own way in the world. "I'm not old enough to be buying a car," I thought to myself, though I had been driving for two years and my driver's license said I was 18. "I'm not old enough to be travelling by myself," I say as I frequently fly back and forth between states, totally unaccompanied. "I'm not old enough to vote," though I'm now a registered voter. I still get a thrill at the beginning of the school year, knowing that I don't have to go back and face those teachers though it's been 3 years since I last faced a single one. "I'm not old enough to be getting married," even though everyone around me (family, friends, my peers from DTS) are and though I may want to. (I've always wanted to get married, so I guess that's not much of a change!) It blows my mind to think that at my age, my mother was now dating my father. Weird.
So, I sit and ponder on the edge of the riverbank of life, watching as everyone I know grows up. A friend of mine from elementary school is living with her boyfriend. Since when are we old enough to even think of doing something like that?!? Have morals changed so much from elementary school? Or is it just me maintaining my "old-fashioned" standards? It's so strange. But even stranger than that is watching my baby brother grow up. I remember when he was a tow-headed little kid (though still taller than me), performing plays in his bedroom (complete with set changes and costumes). When did his voice drop? I can still remember his deep little boy's voice that has now been replaced by a man's voice. Granted, I can still recognize it, but finding traces of that little boy is now more difficult than it was. Sometimes I'm surprised that I can recognize him at all! And though I am completely thrilled by Alicia and I can't wait until the day she takes the name of "Matson", it's so strange to think that the baby brother I finger-painted with - my eternal playmate - has found his lifemate. Weird.
I wonder if I will ever feel my age. When I'm 40, will I still feel six? Maybe. 'Cause even though this strange phase that I've entered sometimes causes my head to spin, I do so love watching the things that God is doing in their lives. I love watching all that potential start to be channeled to something very specific. Though it's strange to have my family continually extended by dates which become spouses, or babies, I can still remember the days of dress-up in Grandma's basement and the rowdy kids' table put in the other room so we don't annoy Grandpa. After all, to me, it feels like it was only yesterday.